4 Uncomplicated Tips for Managing an Overly Complicated College Process
Look for fit over prestige.
The moment you make the college search process (or decision-making process) about “fit” instead of a college’s reputation or rank is the moment you shake off half the nerves of the entire application undertaking.
Whether you’re the parent or the student footing the bill, that bill can be astronomical. If you’re making that kind of hefty investment, shouldn’t you be paying for a good fit option over the idea of an option with more clout?
“Good fit” can mean everything from the right price, the right major, the right size of classes and student-to-teacher ratios, or the right location. This can be as simple as the availability of a sport you’d like to play or as complicated as making sure there are disability support services that match your needs. Fit varies greatly by student, but it should be dictated by student needs and strengths, rather than general ideas about the reputation of a given institution.
One way to filter schools according to various criteria is through the College Board’s Big Future college search tool.
Gut feelings are important (but be patient).
I was fortunate enough to walk onto my future college’s campus and have that instantaneous feeling that I was home. For an anxious kid, that was pretty huge. And, in reality, it ultimately translated to a four year undergraduate experience, a two year graduate school experience, running in line with a 13+ year employment experience, and, ultimately, an unending love affair with that college’s city.
Countless students I’ve worked with and friends of mine share that sentiment, even if it’s somewhat romanticized in retrospect. And while it doesn’t happen for everyone, there is something to be said about seeking that feeling out, that instant comfort, that strangely new familiarity.
Don’t give up if you don’t feel it right away. Touring on a Saturday morning when students are sleeping until noon could affect your impression of the school. The convenient but poorly timed summer visit may not give you what you need to know about a typical Tuesday in a residence hall. Look for the little things: can I see myself walking to and from class here? Can I envision myself eating here, sleeping here, making friends here? Take a deep breath. Look around. Take it in and be honest with yourself.
And don’t forget to ask the tour guide real questions. You can find information about your major of choice on the website, but what you won’t find (and can find out through a student tour guide) is whether or not most students stay on campus on the weekends, if the food is okay, and what’s the one thing they would have liked to have known about the school before they enrolled.
Trust that you actually are making a mountain out of a molehill.
In years of college counseling, I’ve watched the application process grow greater and greater in the scope of its stress-inducing, anxiety-provoking, blow-out-family-fights-causing nature.
The truth? The applications themselves are typically fairly easy — redundant — but pretty straight forward. Personal information, demographic information, family information, high school specific information, start term, program choice, “check this box if you swear you are who you say you are”, promise you haven’t committed a felony, upload the essay. Can the essay be a daunting endeavor? Sure, but keep in mind that research shows it’s really not a make or break element of the application (sorry; I put a lot of effort into mine, too). Are there many moving parts, even beyond the applications? Of course, and they can feel overwhelming and mountainous in the moment. Here’s the basic checklist I give my students:
Takeaway: blowing it out of proportion is not worth the screaming match or the stomach ache. Admissions isn’t going to spend as much time reading and analyzing your application as you spent worrying over it, painstakingly, while rolling your eyes at your parents and debating if adding the Sustainability Club to your list of activities will make or break your chances of acceptance, even though you only attended one club meeting in tenth grade.
Remember that “comparison is the thief of joy”, really.
None of this is about what anyone else is doing.
None of this is about what anyone else is doing.
None of this is about what anyone else is doing.
None of this is about what anyone else did.
The very worst approach you or your child can take to this process is to measure themselves against their peers, older siblings, or what you did when the college process was very different than it is today. (Please trust me: it changes all the freaking time. If I have one more well meaning person recommend UMass Amherst to a student with a 2.5 GPA as a “safety school” when the average that university accepted in 2018 was a 3.9, I may scream or, more professionally, hold a productive informational meeting about the changes with state universities due to soaring college costs)
You do not have to apply Early Action because Peyton is and his mom says that Early Action gives you a better shot at acceptance (not always the case, FYI). Maybe regular decision makes more sense for you because your Q1 grades show an even more impressive application or maybe, and this really is okay, you’re not working at the-done-by-November-1 pace.
You do not have to apply to 18 colleges because Simone did and she feels like the more she applies to, the better off she is.
If what you want to do requires a two year degree, you do not, I REPEAT, you do not have to apply to four year colleges, too. Aunty Patty might disagree, but that doesn’t mean she’s right.
You can also take the SAT once, even if Deonte took it six times. You also don’t have to take it or the ACT, necessarily, what with 1050 colleges going test optional.
While riddled with uncertainty, the truth of the matter is that the college application process is only as bad as you make it. Ask yourself where the pressure is coming from, then ask yourself if that pressure is rooted in reality and your best interests. Any step is a step in the right direction, especially when one accepts that it’s an individualized journey that does not always occur on a perfect, linear timeline. That it has far more to do with who you really are and what you really need than what everyone’s been talking about, boasting about, and stressing over since you were first asked “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.
